I'm always cold after the next morning.

Such a shame. I was on the phone with Fish for a pretty long time last night...and I kinda feel bad because he was still awake at 2 and a half AM when he had some kind of concert thing to do today. I hope he does good in whatever concert he's doing. But it was nice to come in contact with him again. He was all like, "Hay bb. I miss you and stuffs." Except it was kinda more romantic like that. And I was all, "okay self, just don't say the 'L' word. it's not appropriate for times like this." And we talked about all that kinda stuff, how lonely I was without him blah blah blah.

I refuse to believe he's toying with my head. I think I can truly think that I cross his mind every once in a while. It might give me false hopes, but whatever. I haven't been forgotten, and I hope I never do. Those are some of the things I kind of fear after he graduates, because I know he has future plans. He has to, he's not a run-down mess like me that doesn't know what to do after school anymore. I've had a few options, but I'm still not sure. Anyways, he'll be off being all successful and he'll meet other people, and he'll join really elite things that won't leave enough time to remember me.

I guess this is why I feel like Eponine so much. She was best friends with Marius, and he never knew her true feelings for him because he was metaphorically blind. (Although Scott definitely knows my feelings. I probably said it too much in the past, it's a wonder we're still as good friends as we are right now.) But once Marius just GLANCES over at Cosette, BAM. Eponine lost him right then and there. And then Marius FINALLY realizes how much Eponine loves him RIGHT when she's dying. And he's like, "Man, I coulda had this in my hands. I will dedicate my fighting to her." Thanks for the nice gesture, Marius. But is that gonna bring her back? No.

So yeah. After he went to sleep, I kinda couldn't fall asleep easily, so I just stared up at my awesome ceiling fan. I couldn't say that I wasn't smiling a bit, because I certainly was. I think I can finally weather watching Gravis / Beckas for one more night. Because (as weird as this might sound) he'll be there in spirit. That's what he always used to tell me. And I kind of have a feeling that I won't be so cold tonight. Actually, Beckas doesn't make me mad that much, although the do cuddle up quite a lot. They're just not sitting in emo corners scowling at everyone. Still, I'm just a picky priss sometimes. Tonight, however, I'll feel much better. I can just feel it.

Maybe I'll go on a little walk today or something. It's true I'm feeling a terrible chill right now, but it might be healthy for me. I haven't seen the sun in God knows how long.