Stretchy stretchy stretchy....

I woke up an hour early today, and I was kind of mad. You know, it's really weird because the later I fall asleep, the earlier I wake. Take for example, in the beginning of the week. I fell asleep around 11, and I didn't wake up (naturally) until 6:30. Because I forgot to set my alarm. Last night, when I forgot to set my alarm again, I fall asleep around 12:30 and wake up around 5:15. Bizarre, right? Yet again, I can't be surprised. Everything works in opposite ways for me.

I can't stop stretching. It's like my back just feels all squished and stuff and I can't fix it. Oh well, maybe it'll go away soon. Good news is, last day of April. More bad news is, I'm actually not looking forward to go to my dad's and Leia's not gonna be in school today since she went on that retreat thingy for 2 days. So I kind of have to go it alone for a while. Also, I need to dye my hair.

Good morning again, friends.

I fall in love too easily.

With music. And the weirdest songs, too. Within the past month, I've gained a newfound love for these bands/artists:

- Dschinghis Khan, a German disco group from the late 70's/early 80's

- Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zero, a half-indie half-folk band. Sort of.

- Värttinä, some sort of...Finnish folk band? I guess so.

- Harry Belafonte, a Caribbean pop singer

- Albannach, a traditional Scottish band. Pretty much hardcore bagpipe music.

- Various early 90's Japanese theme songs sang in English.

- The Offspring. If you don't know who they are, I frown upon you.

- Eric Whitacre. No, that's a lie. I've had a love for his music for a good, strong...almost 5 months now. I've just had that song stuck in my head straight for about a week now.

What can I say? I'm very diverse in my tastes.

Humdeedum

It feels nice to wear dry Converse again. I just...I can't stand when I have wet canvas around my foot. You know what I'm sayin'?

You know what? I'm openly admitting now that I'm in love with Simon and Garfunkel. Except for Bridge Over Troubled Water. For some reason, I just loathe that song. Every other song is magic, though. And it makes me want to cover either Mrs. Robinson or Cecilia. My two favorite songs, at least voice-wise.

Alright, that's all I wanted to share with you lovely people.

It's been a few days

and I still haven't talked to my mom. I just can't believe she would take the side of someone who's cutting back on our futures. Puh.

One month!~

One month, one month, one month.~~~

I can totally wait that long.

Ever experience anything so wonderful, and so unreal?

So. Not to long ago, I found myself in a dreamlike state of mind whilst, again, listening to Sleep because that song's just singed into my brain. Not burnt, not branded, SINGED. Anyway. So there's one line...or a few, that...the words just make me drift off to some unknown destination. And I'm just lifted millions of miles away from the ground. My eyes are closed, so I'm not sure if I could be in the sky or under the sea, but it's just soothing. My breathing is in slow rhythm and for once in a long time, I feel at peace. I really do.

Such an exhilarating feeling, and I just wish I could stay there longer than I just did. I'm not sure if it was the song itself or just the thoughts going through my head, but I think that everyone should at least feel that way, even if it was for a few short moments. Just gives them a break from the real world, whether it's well-deserved or not. Or maybe we all do feel it when we die. Since Sleep is literally about death, maybe that's where our state of mind goes when we die. Or at least, I hope it does.

"What dreams may come both dark and deep

Of flying wings and soaring leap

As I surrender unto sleep"

Wonderful.

Tri-town area, you're not looking too well.

And your people are angered with you. At least a few are, and yes. This includes me, of course. But you know what? It's not just the hatred for Mt. Ephraim/Aubudon/the Park that's fueling the gloom around here. People's lives are just starting to suck in general. Whether it's getting into constant fights and/or arguments with family, or realizing the relationship you're in is absolutely terrible, but you don't do anything about it. Or, you have a huge fear of becoming a big nothing in the future because everyone's eventually, maybe going to leave your life and you just want to escape it all before it's too late. Without the choice of death, of course.

Things are just becoming awful around here. Everyone's changing for the worse, things are just falling apart, and the hopes of summer vacation doesn't seem to be such a miraculous revival to me anymore. And that may be bringing me down even more. Just please, PLEASE hurry up and save me. You don't know how badly I need it.

I really rage at myself sometimes...

You know that stereotypical "I have to stay up late because I'm waiting for that one special text ohmygodohmygodohmygod"? Well...I don't take it to that extreme, but I just hate when I fall asleep on weeknights. Take last night, for example. I'm up until about 12, 12:15 which is normal for me. HOWEVER. If I would've just kept my eyes open for TEN MORE MINUTES...I could have had another awesome late-night conversation. I love my late-night conversations because...well, I miss him. And yeah, you get the point.

So when I woke up this morning, I heard my phone vibrate (Yes. I always keep my phone on vibrate. That's why I didn't wake up to answer it. Stupid me.) and it was Twitter, of course. But when I noticed I had another message, I just raaaaaaaged all over the mother flipping place. And now I have to wait until tonight to text him back because that's just the way things work out for us.

And, instead of feeling good this morning, I'm just sitting here consuming saltines, apple juice, and various songs of Eric Whitacre because I had Sleep stuck in my head while I was taking a shower whilst created a depressing short story in my head, but I'm not sure if I'm really going to type it up. I'm not big on writing depressing short stories because they normally turn out dumb and Mary-Sueish. Yuck. Sigh, I've run out of saltines...wonder what Jim's doing today. Or Dan. Or someone.

12:07 AM

I can't sleep. I just close my eyes, but I'm still awake. The only reason I close my eyes is because they hurt so bad. Maybe because within the past 6 hours I've just been bawling like a motherless child.

As much as I respect people caring about me and trying to give me sympathy, just telling me that they're sorry and things will get better does absolutely nothing for me. In fact, it might even make it worse. Nobody knew what this meant to me. Not making it is just like if my best friend was just killed, it's on that same level. Yes, I'm happy for the people that made it, but please. Don't give your sympathies to me unless you feel exactly the way I do.

There's only one person who could make me feel better, and I still have to wait. Maybe Hannah was right. Maybe I shouldn't sing for my career. Music is one of the hardest businesses out there and only the best can make it. And that's just not me. I can't keep going through always having my heart painfully ripped out after every failure. You just wouldn't understand. And for that, I'm sorry.

Singing, singing, singing.

I'm really envying Tarja right now. She would SO be a section leader in All South if she went to a South Jersey school. And she's so pretty, too. Must be the Finnish thing. A lot of Finnish women are beautiful.

Meh, getting off topic. I dunno, I've just been so quiet after auditions and all I wanna do is sleep. I'm not sure if it's out of nervousness of how I did or something inside me is just like, voice, just take it easy for a while. I can tell that my dad's real weird about it, too. He's just being so mean this weekend. I can't really wait until the week actually starts because maybe I'll just have time to myself. And I kinda hope we get the audition results back soon. I just want to see Leia's name on the list, next to mine, of course.

Urgh, why am I typing out this post? It's so pointless. D:

O hai, Mr. Map.

So. Auditions kinda went on as I planned, aside from Richard being there. That made my day, though, but sometimes I feel bad for not getting better acquainted back with him when I had the chance. No matter, he's super duper friendly and acts just as if I knew him for half a year. That's what I like in people, some just have that natural ability to just be so chill and awesome around everyone. Ah, good ol' Richard. Nice Richard is nice. Just like Longcat is long. One lesson he should never forget.

Besides Richard, I totally didn't flunk up my tonal memory. I might have gone flat on a few notes, but that's just my voice. All stupid and whatnot. I just hate to say that I was all panicky in-between switching rooms and getting lost. I just wanted to find Scott chilling somewhere in the school even though he wasn't there at all. I'm over it now, a bit more chilled than I have been the past few days. I can cope with the cold feeling a little better now that it's all over. Although maybe it would've been cool if Luis could have taken a little longer with his audition, since we waited for him for...what? 20 minutes? Oh well.

There's just one thing. One thing that was irritating me to no end. And I won't stay on this topic long because it's not really right to bash on people, but I just wish Laura knew how to shut her mouth and stop being SUCH A LITTLE GIRL. Seriously. She thinks people are listening to her when she talks about useless things and laughs obnoxiously. I know she was in All South one year. So was I. And Richard could tell by the look on my face that she was really annoying. She'll never mature, I fear. Ever.

Alright. Enough of that. So now I'm just creepily staring at the map (which nobody could read right because we're all derps) of WDHS. This is probably gonna end up on my wall and I'm gonna feel really weird about it later on. Sigh...my left leg is in a lot of pain for no apparent reason. And I just shivered a little bit. Just a little while longer, though. A little while and then I'm free, even for a day. Maybe the shivers will finally disappear.

Great day, awkward walk home.

Well. Leia convinced me to go to my dad's and make brownies which surprisingly had caramel and CALIFORNIA WALNUTS in them. That, my dear, I was not expecting. So when I go back on Friday, I has to make Luhluhluhluh some nuggets. Made of chicken. Unfortunately, they are not dinosaur-shaped.

Anyways. So I had to walk home before my dad got home because it's still my mom's week. (Bleckh.) And I took the Black Horse Pike way. I passed by a lot of creepy things, and I was pretty weirded out. By that old run-down inn place, some middle-aged Hindu guy was riding a bicycle and coughing obnoxiously ALL while staring at me. When I got around Wawa, some idiot dad was holding his 4-year-old son (or so it looked like) and ran across the pike at a very dangerous spot. Stupid STUPID people.

But I must say the most awkward part (OF COURSE) was when I was passing by the old porn shop/strip club place. Three cars started to drive out while I was walking past the exit. But there was this one truck who was driving and then his tailpipe did a complete derp and was just like...dragging behind the car and made an ugly screechy noise as it drug on the concrete. But I kept walking because I just wanted to get out of there. It was just really REALLY weird.

Audubon Park was even creepier than usual. The first thing that I notice when I walk into the main entrance is this really old fat...man, I think, I didn't even know. But it was just some super-pedo-looking person. And he was just standing there. Staring at the tiny preschool playground. Even though it had a fence and everything so the kids were safe, he was just...STARING at them. And then he hurried away once he noticed me walking by. And then finally when I got onto my mom's street, (this part isn't that bad.) some guy I didn't know, but he gave off this vibe like he thought he was so cool. With his sunglasses and his spiky hair and open blue and white pinstripe with a white t-shirt underneath. He was like, "Dude. That girl's wearing a Yes shirt. I love it." So of course I thank him and his other friend, WHAT a smart-ass commented "I bet she doesn't even know who Yes is! Bah." So I got my sass on and was all, "Oh, hunny. I saw them at the Tower theater and it was a disappointment because Jon Anderson wasn't there." In my head I was thinking "SHUT CHO' MOUTH, GREASEBALL." And the cool guy was like, "Yeah. Who were they touring with?" I told them Asia. And apparently the cool guy didn't like Asia. And out of nowhere, he just snickers and says, "You're Kyle's sister...arentcha?" I nodded and did an eyeroll in my mind, then they were just quiet and I turned around and kept walking to my mom's house.

Really weird walk home, I must say. And I'm still in shock that Colonel Sanders was a real person. Was he in the army or something? o.o

I'd like to thank Bob Grant Jr.

And his epic stories. Because of this, Jordan and I are going on an epic trip this summer, although we haven't decided since we just decided to go on a trip this summer. We'll save up all our munnies and go to maybe some sort of awesome musicfest filled with awesomeness. I'm excited, and I really hope it can happen. Jordan deserves it anyway, she's starting to turn her choices around for the best. :D

Rescuing. That's what I need.

And I shall receive it soon, that's what I am promised. Although I'm always desperately wondering when, I'm more than patient. I'm just slightly excited because maybe it'll be before the end of the school year. A girl can only dream, right?

Just as I expected.

4 hours of sleep at the max. I've had worse, but I was hurting last night. A lot. But now I see it that now that I've had a night of suffering, I have to put it all behind me and be tough. No talk of this. I don't even know anyone or anything outside of the tri-town area. Unfortunately, I've run out of strawberry Pez, and school's starting up again so I'll probably have to go to BAND for flipping I don't know how long. I'm gonna die. Today, I'm gonna die because my French teacher will break my neck. It's useless to put up a fight. I hate her so much, but I have to stop thinking about that for a moment.

My stomach hurts. And I've got a bad chill. Yesterday, I saw that some bees or some sort of stinging insect were making little honeycombs in my window where I left the screen open, and I thought that was pretty nifty. I don't know why, but all I know is that I';m just not gonna open that window for a while. Or at least my mom better not or I'll stab her. With the bee stingers of the bees making that honeycomb. She's not allergic, she can handle it.

I'm so freaking cold. It feels like winter again. Raaaah, what's wrong with me?! Only five more days, maybe that's one of the problems. I'm not nervous at all, I can promise you that though. Nor disappointed. I just don't feel anything, I guess. Oh well.

Hiccup.

A few things. Maybe a rant, but first off. I'm possibly, probably the weirdest person on Earth right now. Because anyone who daydreams about being in a German disco band must OBVIOUSLY be insane. And that's....I'm not gonna deny it. That person is me. I want to recreate Dschinghis Khan. And if I had a chance to do so, I think I'd know some of the people I'd choose to be in it with me. I'm just gonna go the Moskau way since that's their most popular song. Well....video, per se. I think we'd just need the bald guy (I heard his name was Steve. o.o), the dude with the pedo stache, and I'm not sure if Leia would want to be the leader or one of the girls. But I totally call chick in the yellow dress. Because I want that dress. I'm being completely honest, I LOVE her dress. .___.;;; But yeah. So far, I've got three people (including myself) that I want in my Dschinghis Khan replica band. Will this ever really happen? I...doubt it. I can dream though, right? Just like being a gondolier, although I'm slightly more serious about that one...

So. Onto a different topic. For some reason today, I was just lying on my couch and thinking about babies. Not necessarily having one of my own, because I never will, but just...naming them. You know when they first come about and the parents are all like, "I want to name the baby Larry" or something. I just hate the way babies don't know anything. I know they can't help it, but the parents have so much power over them. And yeah yeah, they have to be parents and teach them stuff and they HAVE to make decisions for them, but I just hate the way that we never have the freedom to name ourselves when we first come about. You know? Yes, we are legally allowed to change our names when we become 18 or something, but for the first seventeen years of our life, we're just stuck with this label that our parents forced upon us. I despise thinking about that. And no, it's not just because I hate the name Samantha. I still do, and I'm not even really fond of Alyse anymore. Although I can't change my name to Sheep, people would think I'm on acid or something. Besides, I'm not THAT crazy. Muh.

Maybe I should ask people on Omegle if they would join my German disco band. I'll go do that now.

Best coversation. Ever. (Hey look, a smart person ptII)

Stranger: maybe in 2012 there will be repeat of the great depression
Stranger: but, there is so much hype about 2012 now that it will probably be the most uneventful year ever.
You: So uneventful that people will just stop their lives completely.
You: Or maybe that's a bit too overdramatic...
Stranger: haha, it's a possibility. maybe, the conspiracy of the end of the world will paralyze people into beocming hermits and staying inside all day.
Stranger: that would be so good
Stranger: i could easily become a hermit
You: I kind of am one already
You: Well...I would be one if I still had school and stuff...but most of the time I'm inside
You: I mean if I didn't have school
You: Wow, I suck.
Stranger: hahah. well i'm still in school, so sadly, i have to get out of the house often. haha.
You: Same here. That's what I meant
Stranger: i come home some days, to notes left by the parentals; 'pleease do somethign social today'
Stranger: or soemthign like that
Stranger: haha
You: I don't talk to my parents that much
You: They just bother me.
You: And tell me that I should do something with my life.
Stranger: ahh i know that too well.
Stranger: mother dearest wants to know everything baout my life
Stranger: and gets frustrated when i don't go into minute detial.
Stranger: detail*
You: UGH, I know exactly how you feel.
You: This is why I stay away from my parents.
Stranger: i tryyy. but, i live in a small town. and word always gets around about my whereabouts, who i'm with.
Stranger: gahhh
You: Small towns really suck.
You: Sometimes it's nice to be hated by most everyone because then you never get tangled up in everyone's crappy useles drama.
Stranger: good god. you sound like me!
Stranger: and you then can focus really on the thigns you want too, without having to worry about other peoples feelings and shite
You: Maybe we're like...twins separated at birth or something.
Stranger: that'd be so cool.
Stranger: i want a twin!
You: I've always wanted a twin, too. Weird.
Stranger: twins can be telepathic too, that's freaking sweet. but then, you'd never be alone. oh god, so many down points!
Stranger: haha
You: Not being alone isn't all that bad
You: Then you don't have to talk to yourself.
You: Well...actually in my situation, I wouldn't be talking to a cat.
You: I might be a bit crazy, not sure yet though
Stranger: hahah, a cat?! that's so cool.
Stranger: it is good to be partially insane
Stranger: i am
Stranger: hahah
You: I'm glad someone agrees
Stranger: well at least i like to think i am
You: Right now, my cat is sleeping so she's being quite boring.
Stranger: naww. haha, i have a dog laying around somewhere, but he's a great dane, and if i wake him up, he'll attempt to sit on me.
Stranger: not good considering he's bigger then me
You: I always wanted a sheep dog.
You: But my dad's allergic to dogs
Stranger: damn parents! just get a gazillion when you leave. i asked mum if i could have a pet snake,, it didn't go down too well
You: What about something harmless like a garter snake or something?
Stranger: yeah, well mother has an intense fear of snakes. haha
Stranger: so,,my chances are slim
Stranger: haha
You: Ah, that sucks.
You: I don't think my mom would really approve of a snake at first, but only because she doesn't like spending money.
You: What a surprise.
Stranger: gahh, my computer is screwing up
Stranger: i think all mums are like that
Stranger: but they spend money on themselves
You: I think it's women, really. I hate to be sexist...but most women are just dazzled by thing and then buy things impulsively.
You: If impulsively is a real word...
Stranger: well... i don't think i do that hah.
Stranger: i'm reserved with money
You: That's why I say most.
You: Not all women, but just most.
Stranger: but, i'm just queer in general. i can't actually remember wht the last thingi bought was.
You: I don't really like to buy many things either. Yet again, I never have money so I can't buy things anyway
Stranger: i am forced to save any money earn. but it doens't really bother me. but, i have a thing for scarves. i have that many it's nto funny
You: Meh, I'm not much of a collector of things. Maybe Vitamin Water wrappers for some odd reason, but that's it. Though the product kind of tastes terrible.
Stranger: the worst drink, ever created is coke.
Stranger: i can't stand it
Stranger: so horrible
Stranger: the taste makes me feel light headed.
You: I hate coke. Actually, Pepsi as well.
You: To me, they taste the same
You: Which is awful.
Stranger: it's so bad. the only one i can drink is mountain dew. but even then not much of it.
You: Apparently Mountain Dew has a really high level of some sort of acid or something
You: So I wouldn't recommend it
Stranger: oh woah really? niiiice.
Stranger: i had to research white bread, adn that scared me.
Stranger: it's so bad
You: Oh boy.
Stranger: and disgusting
You: See what America's doing to the world?
You: Practically killing it
Stranger: australia is helping!
Stranger: australia, lacks any form of culture. at least america has a path, australia jsut copies!
You: So Australia is a copy of a copy? Because America also kind of sucks the culture out of everything. The only thing I can think of that's truly "American original" is baseball and apple pie. And childhood obesity.
Stranger: apple pie... i swear that came from germany. or some other european country.
Stranger: haha
Stranger: well australia has kangaroos
Stranger: and our horrible accent 'g'day mate'
Stranger: so bad.
You: And Steve Irwin?
You: Everyone here was so traumatized when he died and everyone was all like "I LOVE AUSTRALIA NOW"
Stranger: haha! stupid conformists.
Stranger: will love anything they're told to love
Stranger: everyone in general that is
You: Yup.
You: It's sad.
Stranger: and now, mysterious twin from america who talks like me, i must bid oyu farewell
Stranger: it's like, 3am here and my head is destroying me
You: It's been an honor talking to you
Stranger: indeed it has!
You: I hope you feel better in the morning
You: Or...later in the morning.
Stranger: either one. haha. and yes, i hope you succeed in your quest to find out the meaning of life.
You: Thanks. Maybe our paths will cross sometime again in life.
Stranger: if that happens, then i'll have no idea what to believe anymore.
haha
Stranger: ciao!! :D
You: Goodnight.~
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Oh look, a smart person.

You: Hey, I'm trying to find out what the meaning of life is.
You: Would you happen to know?
Stranger: finally, an intellect.
Stranger: you're genuinely wondering?
You: Yes.
Stranger: well
Stranger: i would say, that the meaning of life is personal graditude. None of this, helping the world shite. but, to be satisfied with yourself.
Stranger: i've never actually thought about it
You: I don't think the world understands what gratitude is anymore
You: Especially not America.
You: It's a nation full of self-centered shit
Stranger: ohhh
Stranger: myyy goddd
Stranger: i know right
Stranger: it seriously, is going to fuck up this world.
You: It already has
Stranger: and cause the planet to implode
You: And it's even fucked up itself
You: America is made of 99% greed.
Stranger: 1% Pride.
Stranger: they're so self centered.
Stranger: if i ever go to america, i would have to restrain myself from hitting someone
You: I'm ashamed to say I live here, but I'm getting my ass out of here once I get the chance
Stranger: dude i feel for you.
You: If the people back in the 1700's knew that the States would turn out like this today, I think they would definitely change their minds about fighting for freedom.
Stranger: the human race, like in general, regardless of where you're from... are all fucked.
everyone is greedy, and deep down, no one really cares about each other.
You: It's awful.
You: Especially the youth here, they're absolutely doomed.
You: Their main influences are prostitutes, drugs, and Ke$ha.
You: It;s bad,
Stranger: OH GOD. Ke$ha. hahahah, so so so so horrid.
You: I know, it's horrid.
Stranger: well i'm in australia, and it's so bad here
Stranger: because
Stranger: everyone aspires to be american
Stranger: so, it's so fake
You: Oh no.
You: I'm so sorry
You: I have no idea why America would be inspiring to other countries.
Stranger: 'land of opportunity'
Stranger: hah, sorry.
You: More like land of bullshit.
You: But seriously. Is there at least one place in the world that's not gonna help out with the end of society, economy, and therefore the world?
You: Because I would love to go there.
Stranger: i'm moving to northern norway. haha. so far from civilisation. it would be perfect up tehre.
You: Smart move.
You: I'm not so sure about Italy, but I was considering trying to make a living there.
Stranger: it could work. you'd also see the culture there. that'd be schweeeeet.
Stranger: i have a question fo ryou
You: Yes?
Stranger: what, are your thoughts on love? it seems very childish, but my views on it are very pessimistic.
You: I don't really believe it exists anymore.
Stranger: THANKYOU
You: People say the're in love, then sometime later they change their minds and go on their merry way like nothing happened.
You: It's depressing.
Stranger: i knowww.
Stranger: people just toss around the term 'love'
Stranger: i mean, i really don't care if i ever fall in love or not
You: Trust me. Don't.
Stranger: like, right now, i'm in a relationship (urgh, i hate that word) but i don't knwo what the fuck i'm doing because there is so many expectations and lies.
You: Then why are you still in it, if you don't mnd me asking?
Stranger: it's not that i don't like it. Gahh, i'm possibly going to contradict myself here, but bare with me
Stranger: :S
Stranger: hmm, i don' t know how to word it. but let me put it this way, we've been together for ages, and i still have not said 'i love you' because i don't think that i feel it. and so, i shoudn't say that i do.
but, people around me, are calling me cold hearted and such. and i watch my friends go through all of this 'romantic shit' and cry and everything.. but then they do it again! i don't understand.
You: I understand.
You: Although, I'm one to stay out of "relationships". Frankly, here, it's pretty easy to avoid them anyway if you're someone like me because I'm pretty much hated by most people. Which I don't mind, it's not everyone at least.
You: There was one person that lived a few towns away, but I'd rather not talk about it. That's when I first figured out love was a useless term.
Stranger: i can understand the hated by everyone thing. i've decided that i hate like all of humanity. and OH GOD. i HATE stupid people. there is so many of them! it's infuriating!
You: Well, there are just some things in life that need to be experienced.
Stranger: people forget so easily. it can sometimes be a blessing, but not always. personally, my memory is quite good so i remember all the small details. definately has it's downsides
You: Maybe that's a part of the meaning of life.
You: Experiencing its flaws?
You: Maybe
Stranger: good point. having experiences in general and gaining knowledge?
You: That could work.
Stranger: maybe there is no meaning of life. or the meaning of life, is to question what the possible meaning is?
Stranger: haha, getting all philosophical here.
You: Maybe people just think too hard about life and spend most of their life trying to figure out something impossible.
You: Like dividing by zero or something.
Stranger: urghh, maths. hurts my head
You: Same.
You: But my point is that maybe people should just chill out and live in the moment, maybe.
Stranger: and be spontaneous.
Stranger: but then, i agree and all, i love having these deep conversations. so, that's gotta be in tehre too.
You: That's true.
You: Philosophy can be fun sometimes, I'll agree with that
You: But wasting all your life on it isn't all that fun, or at least I kind of hope it wouldn't be.
Stranger: people who do that, i respect and all because they're generally interesting but they can get very overwhelming and quite boring.
You: Exactly.
You: They can probably figure out the hardest life riddles, but where's that really gonna take you?
Stranger: well they tend to write books that sell about 10 per decade. haha.
You: Alright, so that'll keep them in a box for about a week or so.
You: At least it's shelter.
Stranger: they could always eat the box. there's gotta be some form of nutrience in there.
You: Fiber?
Stranger: aaand, maybe calcium?
You: Possibly.
Stranger: i must congratulate you. this has actually been the greatest omegle conversation i have ever had. all the others are 'hi, asl? got any pics?'
Stranger: urghhh
You: Oh, stupid people
You: Probably 12 year olds trying to be cool or something.
Stranger: fucking tweens.
You: Bleh.
You: Anyways, I love finding people that are actually willing to have a good conversation. Or just screw around with the minds of idiots.
Stranger: both are great fun.
You: Indeed.
Stranger: so after this conversation are you going to continue to look for the meaning of life?
You: I might, I might not. I can only ponder for so long of a time until I really wonder what the hell I'm doing.
You: And then I just turn on some Bob Dylan or some other late 60's protest music.
Stranger: Pink Floyd. uo loud.
Stranger: up*
You: You're seriously my new best friend/
You: Pink Floyd is my life.
Stranger: a pink floyd fan! ahh! *shakes hand*
You: Someone out there actually has a good taste in music.
You: I'm so happy.
Stranger: Haha.
Stranger: good music taste is another thing that is in short supply now
You: Tell me about it.
You: Nothing has a meaning anymore. There are no good stories in songs like there used to be.
Stranger: not in mainstream ones anyway
You: Right
You: And, of course, the very few bands/musicians out there that aren't full of crap never go anywhere.
Stranger: ahh but i wouldn't want them too. because then they would become sell outs.
You: True
Stranger: or change their style to 'pop' and to suit the record companies
You: Touché.
You: Maybe what they mean by the end of the world in 2012 isn't really natural disasters.
You: But really just society falling apart.
Stranger: you know i hadn't thought of that

You: It just occurred to me too.

Part II coming soon.

What did I learn from Omegle?

That apparently a segment of the meaning of life is experiencing the world's flaws and gaining knowledge.

Shrug?

Just a quick list

Of the only things that are important to me in the world right now.

• Strawberry Pez
• Leia Jeanne Hall
• Rebecca Turner
• Iggy Pop (and the Stooges)
• Whose Line Is It Anyway
• This bedsheet that's too small for my bed
• The B-52's
• Other various artists featured in Just Dance for the Wii
• My laptop
• Sheep
• Monty Python

And yeah, that's about it...I believe. There's probably a few more things, but I don't have the brain capacity to memorize them all. If so, then I'll just add to the list. Simple as that.

Nine more days

Indeed. I'm doing absolutely nothing about it so far. And I probably won't until I get back into school, because I don't have a CD or anything. However, I'll just slink my way through it because my voice is better and I won't be completely epicfail next time I practice.

No. No no no no no, I will NOT think about the rehearsal anymore. It'll just get my hopes down. Hell, I won't even think about anything. Eric Clapton. I will listen to Eric Clapton and just forget everything. Nobody exists outside of this rotten little tri-area of Audubon/Mt. Ephraim/the Park. My head needs some clearing right now and I don't need anyone to exist right now besides the people that really matter. Maybe I won't exist either, yet again...I do need to hang with Becky today. Speaking of which, where is she?

Meh, I should still give her some time. It's only 11, but I'm not sure if that's good or bad. Whichever, I'll be fine with or without her. I'm not trying to be mean, I promise. Yup, I'm still not really back to my normal self yet. I'm trying, I really am. I just still don't feel me-ish. D:

Jazz apples.

There seems to be only one more in my refrigerator right now, because I'm eating the second to last one. And let me tell you something, it's good. It's really good. Because apples are just so delicious and whatnot. Especially the musical kind. Well, I wish this apple was musical. Then it would be like...real jazz. In my mouth. I wonder why they're called jazz apples....all I know is that the apple is really in the rose family. I don't know why, though, so don't ask me.

My day was SO uneventful, I pretty much died. I woke up, killed an ant, laid in bed until my dad got home (which was 9AM to 5PM), then made myself some shell pasta for dinner and now I'm here. I should've hung out with Dan, but NOOOO. He just HAD to go to New York to get scared at Chinese people because his dad said "herro". I'm not mad, I just miss Dan. Seriously. Who wouldn't miss Dan Noe?

Sigh, it's only ten more days now. I must admit that my motivation to even go has decreased about twentyfold, but does that mean I'll give up on it completely? Of course not, I've made a life-long promise to myself that I intend to keep. Of course I'll try my best, and now I can cope with the fact that he won't be there better now that I know in advance. Why he won't be there? Beats me, but I'd rather not pry. It's probably something important for college or something anyway.

I still hardly have any energy. Well...a little bit more than I did this afternoon, but still not so much. Although I have to hang with Becky tomorrow. But don't tell her that I HAVE to, because then she'll get even more insecure.

MUH. Becky and Scott, Scott and Becky. Those two are going to be my downfall. I'm going to let them because I'm an idiot. Oh well, I'm just trying to love everyone. Is it bad to put people before myself? Because that's what I do sometimes. I dunno.

I keep having dreams

that I'm just sitting on a beach. Sometimes it's daylight out, sometimes it's at night. I'm not waiting for something, I'm just sitting there watching the waves. There's no boats in the distance, no birds flying overhead, nobody with me, not even a crab or jellyfish in sight. It's just me, the sand, the sea, and the horizon. I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean, but it just keeps occurring and I don't know what to think of it.

I don't want to do anything today. I'm just so out of it and I want to sleep. Maybe escape to the beach again and lie back in the sand. Watch the clouds roll by in the daytime or watch the stars at night, whichever one. Frrrr, I don't know what's wrong with me. But I don't like it.

Everything's so weird.

I must be going crazy. I just have to be. I mean, this is a nice spring break so far...but oh MAN, has a lot passed through my mind. And it's that kinda stuff that makes me want to curl up under a blanket and sigh heavily. And it's killing me. I hate it, I absolutely hate it. For right now, I'm so SO glad I'm over my dad's house. My mother and I have not been getting along at all. Easter was terrible when she was over for dinner. God only KNOWS why she joined us for dinner. She just kept giving me these disappointing looks that...ugh. Just ugh.

But the thing that's really tearing me up (and it's not like you all expected this or anything. Sarcasm much intended. Oh, self, how dare you) is the lack of Scott in my life right now. Yes, we talk occasionally on the phone. That's not enough, though. I want to feel him around me. I want to feel as happy as Leia does around Dave. I want to have something special like those two do, but hey. I'm trudging through as best I can because I can't just mope around whining about how I don't have a boyfriend. I don't want one. I just want someone to make me smile like nobody else can. To just hug for an hour or two and still never want to let go. That doesn't HAVE to be a boyfriend, and some people...sigh. I'm not gonna get into that crap.

I have to settle things out with Becky. Apparently since Dan's going to New York tomorrow, maybe I'll have to do that tomorrow. I just...I don't want to face her because I know she's starting to hate me for not being around her. She's gotta face the facts that maybe we're just growing apart. It's happened before, so she should be prepared for this just like the last times. I mean, we've been friends for the longest time. Best friends at points, yes, but that's starting to just break. Will this be the last time? I hope not, she's a really good kid. But we're getting different lives and she'll be moving by the time she gets out of high school, so what's even the point?

I need to get out of this place. I'll keep walking down Kings Highway and never look back until I'm out for good. Mt. Ephraim, then Brooklawn, Westville, then my destination. That's my plan...and I'll probably end up never doing it. Because I'm just one of those stupid children that will always wait to be rescued. I have no courage to go out there on my own.

My head really hurts. Maybe it's time for bed.

I'm over Luhluhluh's house right now.~

And she's a-talkin' to Dave and whatnot. Ah, they make me feel young again.

We also watched some Monty Python and that was rad. Like, super duper rad because it's been forever since I watched Holy Grail. And NorNIgian Wood was there too. It made me smile.

I still have LOTR3 in my hard drive. lulz.

er...pointless blog again? I keep typoing.

Leia just removed her head from my knee.

TYPOS. D:<

derp. derpderpderpderp.

DERP IMPACT.

f,fmnzdlfndzfklznsdkjsnflsknfdslkgdlfkjslk I'm a pretty ladyfiahmNASFFFF. I LIKE YOU A LOT. YOU'RE HOT.

SAM IS DATING MANY MEN. AND WOMEN. AND A VAN. (Hot.)

I LOVVE EVE YOUDF DFEEEOGD. IT MEANS GOGOSDKGO POAWER RANGEOAERS.

BB YEW ASRE HOT. ASODK: DF:ASD:D:D:D:D:D:DD::D:D:D:D:D:D:D:DD:D:D:D:D:D:D::DD:DDD:DDD:D:DDD:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:UUUUUUUUUUUUU:U:U

POOP. PPOPOPOPOOOOOOOP. BAODJGOGIGTPOTTOP. IOkay, I'm done, dandyledgwaswasdf. Qhoopa.

Okay, done. Love, Leia. For the most part.

I have to stay up later...

Murrrr! Every time I wake up in the morning, not that I mind, I keep getting these really sweet texts but I'M NEVER AWAKE TO REPLY THEM. Why? Because I get them at like...2 in the morning. Oh, Scott. I guess I'll have to stay up just a smidgen later just for you. But man, how do you do it? I mean, yes, I've pulled all-nighters before and I always used to go to sleep around 3 or so. But ever since September, I kinda had to sleep earlier because of school and all...y'know? Maybe I can try staying up this week for the sake of it being spring break and whatnot.

Le swoon. I just....if I'm gonna get text messages telling me that he misses me an inordinate amount and that I'm apparently beautiful or something (pfft), then maybe they're worth staying awake to reply. Because....I know I'm afraid to tell him I love him even though he knows already and I don't want to scare him away or anything by saying it too much. But fheukahgeiagh. Maybe I will again soon. Not sure though. I'm still contemplating over whether maybe I should save it for a good time when we're face to face, not over texting. Still, I dunno. I....I just, I don't know.

All you need is lulz.

I absolutely love it.

No, I shouldn't get mad over this. I won't. I refuse. The sole purpose of visiting West Deptford High School on April the 17th is strictly to get into All State. That's it. I shouldn't focus on anything else. And I won't. Like Scott said, I have a light that I shouldn't let anyone keep me from shining. No matter who, and no matter in what way. I'll always keep that light lit, for him. I made a promise that I intend to keep.

Sorry. This post is just a little mental/emotional preparation for the audition. Since I won't be having my good luck charm there, at least I know in advance I won't be determined with only a small spark of hope that he'll be there. Instead, I have to fan the flame until it's a wildfire of determination for the actual choir.

Bleh. I'm not making any sense anymore.

guh-ZEEEEEE-bo~

You know how something gets stuck in your head for days on end? No matter if it's a song or an event...or a person? YeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhI've got a bad case of that right 'bout now. Well, I've had a bad case of that for a while, and I've been talking to him recently and stuff. So don't think I'm being weird again and trying to ignore it. That's wrong.

AH, two weeks. Well....two weeks and a day. Fifteen days. I can't believe it's coming up so soon, I'm excited! Especially since my voice is getting better and I'll be able to kick butt in practicing my audition. Not that I'm a show-off or anything, I was just doing absolutely horrible last week and I even cried once about it. This stuff's important to me, shut up. Anyways, yeah...I went to English and spent some of the period in the hallway because I didn't want Ms. Wood or anyone to see me, which I was glad she didn't. It only lasted about 5 minutes anyway. So. No more of that everything's alright.

What's glued into my brain at this very moment, you ask? Here are probably the top 5 things: Gazebos! Eyebrows. Don't you want somebody to love? Peas. And.....World War II. But what do these all mean? Well, gazebo is his favorite word, he uses his eyebrows a lot when he sings, which is too cute, "Somebody To Love" by Jefferson Airplane was the song he kept singing when I saw him between All State rehearsals (I' not sure if he meant it as something or not. I hope not) And peas, that was a mock song he made up of a song we were singing in All South, good year, and finally World War II. I'd rather just not go into that, thanks.

I'm gonna shut up now. Fifteen more days...I hope, anyway.

Some more random thoughts.

Cough, wheeze, the usual.

Bless 'em all! Bless 'em all! The long and the short and the tall.~

I think if Scott was ever to get married, no matter who to, (I won't mind if it's not me) I think it would be appropriate for him to have a wedding on the beach or something. I can see him on the beach. And....now I'm creeping myself out again. I don't really plan on getting married, yet again...I'm spontaneous. So for now, I'll die an insane cat lady. Thank you.

Whether the weather may be wet or fine, we'll keep rolling without a care! :D

Cat, please stop crawling all over my stomach. It's so awkward to type. I love you, really, but PLEASE.

I hope Leia has a good time with Dave if he gets to go over her house. Yay for Twitter-creepin'. XD

Kiss me goodnight, Sergent Major~~~

Oh, did I forget to mention?

Happy Census Day! :D

Fare you well, my dear.

I must be gone and leave you for a while. If I roam away, I'll come back again, though I roam ten thousand miles my dear. Though I roam ten thousand miles.

So my dad suspects that I might have bronchitis. This could have been useful...say, a week ago? Meh, I shouldn't blame him. Maybe I should have thought about it. Well, it's no matter now. The sooner I get better, the better my voice will be again, and the better chance I have for All State. I get more excited and yet still anxious for my good luck charm not showing up. But I shouldn't depend on Scott, either. He might be there, he might not. Who knows? I will not care. I refuse to. Elton John, sing through those speakers! SING I SAY!

Okay. On a different note, per se, maybe I should've brought my class ring thingy home. I'm not ecstatic to get one, but I'm not refusing them either. I'm just not sure really. If I do, though, I think I know how it'll look. It won't be green and GOLD, maybe green and silver. I always liked silver, anyway. And my birthstone is the peridot, which is almost an emerald color, or so I recall. So yeah, I dunno. I'll decide next week. This is spring break and I deserve to chill for a while, maybe try to get some sing practice in. Determination!

The sea will never run dry, my dear. Nor the rocks never melt in the sun. And I will never prove false to the one I love till all these things be done, my dear. Till all these things be done.