Everything's so weird.

I must be going crazy. I just have to be. I mean, this is a nice spring break so far...but oh MAN, has a lot passed through my mind. And it's that kinda stuff that makes me want to curl up under a blanket and sigh heavily. And it's killing me. I hate it, I absolutely hate it. For right now, I'm so SO glad I'm over my dad's house. My mother and I have not been getting along at all. Easter was terrible when she was over for dinner. God only KNOWS why she joined us for dinner. She just kept giving me these disappointing looks that...ugh. Just ugh.

But the thing that's really tearing me up (and it's not like you all expected this or anything. Sarcasm much intended. Oh, self, how dare you) is the lack of Scott in my life right now. Yes, we talk occasionally on the phone. That's not enough, though. I want to feel him around me. I want to feel as happy as Leia does around Dave. I want to have something special like those two do, but hey. I'm trudging through as best I can because I can't just mope around whining about how I don't have a boyfriend. I don't want one. I just want someone to make me smile like nobody else can. To just hug for an hour or two and still never want to let go. That doesn't HAVE to be a boyfriend, and some people...sigh. I'm not gonna get into that crap.

I have to settle things out with Becky. Apparently since Dan's going to New York tomorrow, maybe I'll have to do that tomorrow. I just...I don't want to face her because I know she's starting to hate me for not being around her. She's gotta face the facts that maybe we're just growing apart. It's happened before, so she should be prepared for this just like the last times. I mean, we've been friends for the longest time. Best friends at points, yes, but that's starting to just break. Will this be the last time? I hope not, she's a really good kid. But we're getting different lives and she'll be moving by the time she gets out of high school, so what's even the point?

I need to get out of this place. I'll keep walking down Kings Highway and never look back until I'm out for good. Mt. Ephraim, then Brooklawn, Westville, then my destination. That's my plan...and I'll probably end up never doing it. Because I'm just one of those stupid children that will always wait to be rescued. I have no courage to go out there on my own.

My head really hurts. Maybe it's time for bed.