(February 24th)
And right now it’s 12:13 AM and I’m mellow with some Mamas and Papas. Because hippie music is definitely thumbs up. Muhhh, I always have trouble sleeping for some reason, but I’m not really sure why. Maybe sleep just isn’t for me. I also ate about a pint of ice cream in one serving, so I’m gonna get fat pretty soon. But hey, as long as I still have my curves, I’ll be confident about my body. Body, I love you so much. Don’t ever change….as in get fat. Then I will hate you and burn off all your useless fat cells.
Hm, love. That’s such a strange topic….at least for some people like me. Sometimes you’re absolutely sure you’re in love and you’re feeling it. And you’re loving the thought of love. But the person you love is just subconsciously difficult to love. And you don’t want to blame that person for being themselves, but you lay awake at night feeling freezing without someone keeping you warm with their body heat, no matter how many blankets cover you. And then the next day comes around and you feel hollow. Like your soul just decided to take a holiday…and you know your heart DEFINITELY isn’t there because you gave it to someone OR they could’ve stolen it by surprise. (Although you pray for that not to happen because heart thieves abuse hearts, you can’t trust them with your feelings and they end up destroying you. When you actually GIVE someone your heart, they earn your trust, even if they do mess up. But you know it’s by accident, and they’ll still be there for you.) So everyone you approach are all worried about you because you look pale and your hair is messy, but you have a tiny smile on your face to assure them that you’re fine. Even though you’re obviously not.
And then you really start to wonder if they’ll ever come back. How many times do you see this person a year, anyway? As in, face-to-face, in person. No cheating with pictures or webcam shit. No. Internet dating is for freaks, I’m sorry to say. But you miss their face, and you see that face rarely because they live in a different town and they’re just on top of the mother-flipping world, right? They’re loved by everyone and society is just their right-hand man. Good choice. You go, Glen Coco. Why does this person have to be just….so perfect in your eyes? You can’t get over them, no matter how hard you try. But of course, you end up regretting trying to fall out of love because, hey. What if by some useless miracle that they actually start to love you and mean it? Even though they might have had a few false alarms in the past.
Still forgiven, right?
Oh lord, what am I rambling ON about?! I should really be getting to sleep….or at least be getting those dry clothes out of the basement before my dad yells at me. Oh well, he might be gone for work in a few hours and maybe he won’t notice. I sorta hope so. Anyways, I’m rambling.
End blog.
Love, Ly.~
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