I'm okay, right? Of course I am.

I've been thinking about so much stuff lately, and I don't think it's really all that good for me. For instance, here are the top 5 things on my mind lately:

1. Jordan, and if she'll be alright. She hasn't answered her phone in 2 days.

2. Death, just in general.

3. The future, which I'm terribly afraid of. I don't know what I want to do anymore after I get out of school.

4. Will I ever see Fish again? What if he doesn't show up at Allstate auditions?

5. I sometime think I shouldn't eat as much as I do right now. But I want to stay confident about my body.

I refuse to believe I'm depressed. I'm not depressed, no matter what the symptoms are.

- difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions (Well, I just have a bad memory in general.)

- fatigue and decreased energy (If I did, I wouldn't be able to do stage crew. So no.)

- feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness (I'm not guilty of anything, I know I have worth, and I'm certainly not helpless.)

- feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism (Pfft, pessimism?! Come on!)

- insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping (Okay, maybe I don't sleep as much as I should...)

- irritability, restlessness (...er, okay. This one can be checked.)

- loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex (uh, I never really got to experience se-- You know what? This isn't true. I still like all my activities I'm doing, not sex.)

- overeating or appetite loss (It's a bit fluctuating, but I think I eat normally. I hope I eat normally.)

- persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment (Nope, got no pains in me.)

- persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings (uh....maybe. D:)

- thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts (ABSOLUTELY NO. Suicide is the greediest thing a person can do, my dad says. And he's got a good point.)

So that's....3 out of 11. I bet that's pretty average for someone, so I'm okay. I AM OKAY. Stupid Jake Seagull...even though that was last year, still thinking about that kid pisses me off.

I really wish I had my piano here. I wanna learn a whole bunch of songs and I'm getting really good at learning by ear. Unfortunately, I'm at my mom's, my pianoless mom's. I keep telling her "Mom, maybe we should get a piano." But of course we have but not a place for a piano. I hate Audubon Park, I really do. It's too small. Everything is too small. The houses, the area, the kids are delinquents at the age of ten...ragglefraggle.

I have stage crew again today. I bet Jim is gonna tell me ALL about how he went to the Coffee Garden last night and had a great time there with everyone while I was up in Florence. I hope it's better today, and maybe there'll be a lot less slapping. (Yeah, everyone was slapping each other left and right. Craaaaazy stuff.)

I also need more juice. :/